Three

 

 

Your 3rd Birthday

1092 days have silently gone by. One day quietly folding into the next. Time moves forward, showing no compassion. Each passing day makes the gap feel wider - not between us, but between the 'world' and you. The gap which was filled with remembrance, sympathy and your name... wrenches wider with time, as sentiments leak out, leaving a void and the ache of my heart.

However, the memory of you remains rightly with us and those close to us.

You were here but a moment but the length of your stay doesn't alter your place in our family or how much we love you. 3 earthly years.... but a breathe in eternity, a place unmarked by time and dates.
On this side of the veil, we remember your birthday and remember that is has been 3 years without you.

I imagine you as a little girl running through fields of flowers, the breeze blowing through your long hair. You are filled with love, joy, freedom and contentment. You are alive and well, whole and healed. In this, we find our peace. How could we not want this for you, despite our desires?

May the courts of heaven in which you dance, be alive with the celebration of your God-given life.
We too will celebrate.

To our girl who touched our world and who changed our lives - all without a single breath.
We love you "to eternity and back."

Happy Birthday Sweetheart
With all our love xxxxxx


(Illustration from 'Mommy Please Don't Cry' - Linda Deymaz & Laurie Snow Hein)

Glimpses of You

For Charlotte
Written April 2012 after the birth of Leah


My darling girl, my pen is not dry, my heart has not forgotten and my mind has not finished with your story. 
An earthly glimpse reveals your new little sister - you now have 2 brothers and 3 sisters - one that is by your side throughout all eternity.
You will always be our 4th born child, our second daughter, forever etched into our family regardless of your address.
For the 9 months that your sister grew, I wrestled with carrying life and the loss of you. You, my sweet baby who never cried, I miss not having life with you.
The birth of your sister, a God-given gift brought a wail from my soul - one of thankfulness and sadness, as two worlds collided - life and loss.
I see you in her. Your face, your hands... I call her Charlotte, only to abruptly remember that she is not. My mind is confused as if someone is playing a trick on me.
All my children, a gift from God, meant to be, none replacing the other, each created for God's own purpose and glory. All loved, all wanted, all eternal.
My girl, my heart will always be scarred with the loss of you and filled with love for you.
Forever your Mummy xxx