05 July 2010

Friendship and Grief

Dedicated to my friends...
Thank you for sharing the journey with me.
Friends are angels
who lift our feet
when our own wings
have trouble remembering
how to fly.





Friend (n.) one joined to another in affection; one who is on the same side
(friend, not foe); sympathizer, supporter.
Oxford Dictionary, 1987

Friends are a necessary part of our lives - we were created for relationship. Friends are never more important, never more needed, than when one is in the depths of sorrow,
suffering and grief. It is a true friend, who gives of themselves to someone who is
grieving, knowing they may not receive anything in return.

"To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend..." Job 6:14

A friend can bring great comfort to a person who is suffering.

"The best way to help people in grief, I have realised, is not to try and pull them out,
not to try and make them better, but just to climb down, take their hands,
and sit with them awhile. Let them cry, and cry some more."*

When feelings are raw and pain is deep, a person is likely to feel the gentle comfort or absence of a friend very keenly. Grief is much deeper than sadness and differs from depression. Grief to me is a deep physical, mental and emotional pain caused by a tearing away of someone or something close to the heart. Grief doesn't necessarily mean that hope is forever gone, but it is a time of intense pain.

"When grief overcomes us, for a period of time a curtain is drawn across our hearts,
and our world is coloured grey... Grief blurs our vision so that
we can't find the sun peeking behind the clouds.."
Clara Hinton from silentgrief.com*

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not
curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend
who cares." (tn)  ~Henri Nouwen~

Remember the chorus of the popular 80's song, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going?"  The words to this song should be, "When the going gets tough, the tough
stay around." The tough stay when things get uncomfortable. Friends don't need to worry about what to say or what not to say, it's their presence that counts. Advice and explanations to why things happened are not necessarily needed, as only God knows these things. Words are often inadequate anyway in times of grief. Being able to share your pain with someone is what is important.

Two are better than one... for if they fall one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to lift him up."
Ecc 4:9-10

What does love look like?
It has hands to help others.
It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy.
It has eyes to see misery and want.
It has ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men.
That is what love looks like."

A genuine friendship is
a heavenly present.
It blesses our hearts
because God's love is in it.
Evelyn McCurdy


* Grief and Grace - A Journey Through Pregnancy Loss - Amanda Axelby


OhlsonFamily said...

Special - thank you for sharing. You are deeply treasured. Hugs, nay.

Jenny Tonkin said...

Very poignant and and an apt reminder to us all. You express yourself so clearly and honestly.....awesome. Love Jen.

Jo said...

We count it a privilige to be your friends, Julie, Grant, Mikayla, Ethan and Caleb. Thank you for sharing your hearts, lives and grief over Charlotte with us. Lots of love and hugs Jo and Neil.

Anonymous said...

I'm so thankful to God for our friendship. Love you Julie, B

Sharon Bain said...

A friend is not someone who walks ahead of you or behind you but rather by beside you. Julie you are my best friend and I will be yours.

Post a Comment

Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved