11 June 2010

A Reason to Go On

The New Year 2010

"Happy New Year!" -  a very common greeting heard at this time of year. This year however, I didn't feel like saying it or hearing it, it simply didn't feel right in the light of what we were going through.
As the fog started to lift, we began the process of trying to understand what the diagnosis meant. I began searching on the internet for information about the condition our baby had and naturally many questions followed. How would our baby be affected? How long did some babies live for? (I was encouraged to hear stories where a few babies actually lived for a period of time.) Could my baby be one of the lucky ones? How did other parents cope in the situation? Was there a mother in Perth that I could connect with? I felt like I had entered into a foreign, unknown world. Before our baby's diagnosis I had never heard of her condition. It was at this stage, that a small amount of hope began to grow.
 Hope that maybe:
*my baby could be one of the lucky ones.
*she could live with us for a short time.
*she would be born alive
*circumstances would change and the diagnosis would somehow improve
*she would be healed. 
I completely believe that God has the power to change any of our circumstances according to His will. He could change this one, He could heal our baby. These tiny rays of hope gave us the motivation to keep going. Our grief  however was still alive and very real. Even with hope, we could not foresee what the outcome would be.


Sarah said...

You know Julie- I remember every week; looking but trying not to at the same time- seeing all the pictures and cards with various stories and refusing to read the ones where one twin or both died.......I held onto hope until the very day we found out they'd gone to be with Jesus- that somehow- our boys would be the lucky ones- that they'd beat this awful condition and fight on.

And I'm glad- that we did live those days with that hope and cherished every minute they were alive...it felt more like we knew them before they did leave us then somehow.

I remember telling my OB that God had given us our miracle after the successful surgery.....and looking back - we did- they were not expected to survive that- but for nearly 5 weeks after THEY DID....God is good xx

love you so much my friend xx

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