26 February 2011

A Day of Rememberance

 24th February 2011

We attended 'The Interment of Ashes Service'
at King Edward Memorial Hospital,
for the internment of the ashes of stillborn babies
lost during the past month.

'Life and every single breath is in Your hands.' Job 12:10

Today we remembered
 Our third daughter, our second child lost

A prayer read at the service -

Dear God
"We pray for strength and peace for each other and ourselves gathered here. Sustain us in the times of unending tears, pain and struggle;
the times of emptiness and longing, times of not being in control,
of not being understood by family, friends and times of searching.

We gives thanks for the anticipation and promise of life that we held
for a short time, for those who walk the journey of grief with us;
for each time of remembering.

Fill us with hope in the times of letting go and reaching out to embrace each new day. As we recall the gifts our babies left us, we thank you for the difference they have made in our lives." Amen

A day of paradox
Our son Caleb was born here at KEMH three years ago today.
Three years later to the day, we intern the ashes of our daughter lost January 25, 2011

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than Your ways
and My thoughts higher than Your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Therefore I will choose to trust You.

14 February 2011

10 Months

Out of these ashes...

Beauty will rise

"Shattered dreams are never random.
They are always a piece in a larger puzzle,
a chapter in a larger story." -Larry Crabb

My little girl
10 months ago
*You entered our world
*It was your birthday
* I saw you and held you
*You lay in the arms of your family
*We said hello and goodbye
*Heaven became your home
*My heart broke and
*My world changed
I lost my little girl

"The Lord watch between me and thee
while we are absent one from another."
Gen 31:49

13 February 2011

My New Normal

27/01/11 - The day after I came out of hospital -  
                 How was I going do 'normal everyday life' when I felt far from 'normal'?

I was learning to live in the world again,
People more comfortable around me.
My voice, my words, lost their gloom,
I held back the pain of my loss.

What are people going to do with me now?
Again my heart is battered and bruised.
Scars that have not yet healed, reopen -
Releasing tears, sadness and pain.

What do I say? How do I act?
How long will the awkwardness stay?
Nine months, another loss, a total of three,
What will they to do with me now?

My reality is heartache and loss,
Deep pain - old mixed with new.
In a world uncomfortable with sadness and grief,
How do I fit in it now?

"Words failed me. At times I was utterly speechless - everything was meaningless. I felt separation from the cares of this world, a sort of detachment. They no longer held me or interested me. I had looked death in the face, what else was important? People wanted to talk about everyday things, shopping, travel. How could I relate when we were in completely different worlds? I didn't feel a part of their world. My baby had died and nothing else mattered."
Grief and Grace - Amanda Axelby

07 February 2011

Three Months!

24th January 2011 - the day of the 12 week ultrasound for our new baby
                                who was due 04/08/11.

The time has finally come at last -
To share our joyful news.
To see pictures of our little one...
Proof of health, life and hope.

We know that news isn't always good,
The first look revealed the first sign -
No....  something is horribly wrong!
"Sorry, no heart beat can be found."

No!! Not again, not like before!
All joy and anticipation vanish.
Heaven claims another child I wanted with me.
Why did it have to go wrong?

Yesterday I was pregnant and expecting good news -
Today - no baby, no due date, it's finished.
From joyful expectation to sadness and grief.
What do I say and do now?

I will share my sad news, let my baby be known,
A child of mine, wanted and loved.
Not seen or known by anyone in this world,
But known and loved in heaven above.

You give and take away,
My heart will choose to say,
"Lord, blessed be Your Name."
                                     (M Redman)

Until we meet again little one...
Love always xxx

06 February 2011

Another Loss

In  loving memory of our 5th baby.
Lost at 12 weeks.

~ January 25, 2011~

At Mullaloo Beach

".... in the midst of life's shattering moments
the Holy Spirit can bring us stability
in the presence of the One who alone is able to
calm our fears and address our questions with Himself
 - the ultimate and only adequate Answer."

Blessed Be Your Name - Matt & Beth Redman
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