The article that meant the most to me during my journey was one that I read during a hospital stay while pregnant with Charlotte. I found it in a Billy Graham Decision Magazine and the title of it was "Is God Really in Control? - Trusting God in Times of Adversity by Jerry Bridges (April 2008).
The article began by reflecting on some of the disasters that have affected the world over the past decade - tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, famines, terrorists attacks.... and the question that seems to naturally arise out of these calamities - Where is God in all of this?
The article included this verse from the Bible, "Consider what God has done: Who can straighten out what He has made crooked?" (Ecc 7:13) Could I trust God even if He chose not to make my 'crooked' path straight? What if He didn't heal my baby? As I read the article, I considered the Bible verses I came across that talked of God's Sovereignty. "Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?" (Lam 3:37-38)
God could heal my baby, I believed that without a doubt. But would He? Regardless of the answer, would I trust His decision?
This article challenged me to 'work out' my faith. It is an ongoing process, a lifelong journey. I believe that God in His Sovereignty holds all things in His hands, for He is the Creator of all things. This gave me comfort. Charlotte's diagnosis didn't take Him by surprise. He was and is in control of my life and Charlotte's life, our lives were in His hands. We also live in a broken world and brokenness is unfortunately a part of every human being's life. But... we are not alone in our pain...I believe God himself hurts with us. Jesus cried with His friends when their brother Lazarus died, He understands it because He has felt it. I believe that God hates death. He went to extraordinary measures to rescue us from it and from our brokenness and pain.
I had a choice to make. I chose to bow my knee and trust in the God of the Universe. God gave me the assurance that He was enough, and the hope that I would be reunited with Charlotte one day.
One day we will be able to step out of the fog of our circumstances and see...
What He had purposed we will understand.
Until then... He is God. The God of the mountain and the valley. And He holds my future.
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