Day 6 - Rituals

Remembrances of you are a part of me - engraved on my heart for always.

When we stand on the shore-side of heaven, watching the sky as the sun sets, it feels like heaven's reaching down in the moment. Sun spills through the clouds as they part, the sky is radiant. Did I just witness the door of your glorious home?

We visit your resting place knowing you are not there, but it's that feeling of being as close as we can to you that draws us.

Your birthday is celebrated and rightfully so. The day you were born marks your birth-day. Our celebration though is of a different kind - we celebrate "you" - our daughter, our sister, but you are not there to celebrate with us...

We also light candles on special occasions... an outward demonstration of our desire for you to be there too, in your rightful place as a member of our family.

However I don't need rituals to remember you... because you are a part of me - engraved on my heart for always.

Day 5 - Memories

I knew from very early on that my pregnancy was not going to end well. Therefore many of my memories are etched with sadness and pain. These memories include - the day of her diagnosis, her declining health, her stillbirth, leaving the hospital without her, her funeral and living life without her.

These difficult memories are also clothed in love. A love that could not and would not give up despite the prognosis. A love that forever binds a mother to her daughter. A love that endures despite her child's absence.

My memories... both bitter and sweet

Day 4 - Her Legacy

Even though she did not take a breath, our baby Charlotte has left a legacy in many ways...

Because of her, the axis of my heart has been forever altered, tilted off centre. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just different. My grief, my loss(es) have been so profound, so deep.

Like an earthquake they rocked me to my very core. How could I not be changed?

The world looks and feels different now. My vision altered, I see people and situations from a different angle, a new perspective. It's like my glasses have new lenses. What was once important, now holds a different value.

I have wondered where "I" have gone and when the "old me" will return, but I have come to realise that this is a new path, one that I would not have chosen, yet one that I must now walk. I will follow the One whom I believe is gently leading me. It is a permanent shift. Once altered, how can a heart return to how it once was?

by big sister Mikayla

Her footprints are also forever engraved into our family tree, along with her little sister Abigail's.

These are only some of them....

Day 3 - Myths About Grief

Best if we leave them alone... 

A painting by Mikayla
Portraying a girl drowning in her grief, while those around her
give her the space that they think she may need.

The best way to help people in grief, I have realised,
is not to try to pull them out, not to try and make them better,
 but just to climb down, take their hands, and sit with them awhile.
Let them cry, and cry some more.

Anna Hogbin - Lennox Heads, NSW, Australia
Taken from Grief and Grace - A Journey Through Pregnancy Loss - Amanda Axelby

Day 2 - Identity

Charlotte Rose

April 14 2010

28.5 weeks

 

Child of mine

His princess

Adored

Remembered always
Loved immensely
Offspring
Tiny baby
Treasured memories
Enduring legacy

Real
Our heart's desire
Sibling
Eternity resides

Day 1 - Sunrise

 We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness... (Author unknown) 

Sunrise in Perth Western Australia - 1st October 2013 - 5:55am

1267 sunrises

between you and I...

1267 sunrises

closer to you again.

The circle of life...

is marked by sunrises.


"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the works of His hands."
Psalm 19:1

The October Project

I am looking forward to taking part in this 31 day photo journal throughout October.
Through this journal I will be exploring what grief looks like for me after 3 and a half years.